Retail Clerks At Christmas Shopping Season

Now that the worst of the Christmas shopping season is over it is time for the retail clerks to be recognized for all that they do. I worked in retail for a total of four years the last period ending in 1991. I still have nightmares over some of those close encounters of the weird kind that only come out during the Christmas shopping Season. It is my opinion that most readers don’t know what they put up with. It is my responsibility to give a glimpse of their world so that extra kindness can be sent their way.

Before Christmas:

1. “I have driven three hours to go to your store and you are out of my size, a specific toy, a clothing item, an electronic item, a grocery item, a novelty item etc.” What the retail clerk thinks is, “You mean to tell me that in those three hours you didn’t stop at even one of the stores that have the same name as the one I work at? There is at least twenty that you passed on the way here?” What the retail clerk says is, “I am sorry sir/ma’am but I will be glad to call the next closer store to see if they have your item.”

1. “The weather is bad and the parking is terrible how come you don’t have better parking at your store, mall shopping center?” The retail clerk grits their teeth and thinks, “because in ten years ago June when they built the parking lot they figured you would be coming just before Christmas during a storm and thought it would be fun to annoy you.” What the retail clerk says is, “you are right ma’am/sir. I just got in to work, drove in the same weather and had to park two miles down the road because management told us not to take any parking spaces away from customers for the next five weeks.”

1. “Another store carries what I am looking for but they are out of it, how come you don’t have that.” The retail clerk thinks, “Because we are not that store, duh.” What the retail clerk says, “I am really not sure ma’am/sir but maybe we can help you find something almost as good.” The customer says, “No I want that item. The retail clerk thinks give me five minutes and I will make one for you ma’am.” What the retail clerk says is, “I am sorry ma’am/sir that we don’t have the item but I will ask management/ corporate for you as soon as I can.”

1. “You had the item I am looking for back in June. How come you don’t have it now?” The retail clerk thinks, because it was a seasonal item you old cow and you should have bought it then.” What the retail clerk says is, We had that item on clearance for six weeks let me check to see if there are any left.”

1. “Your stuff is over priced.” The retail clerk thinks, “then why are you shopping here?” What the retail clerk says is, “I am sorry sir/ ma’am but I feel certain that you can find items here in your price range.”

1. “Your stuff is poor quality.” The retail clerk thinks, “then why are you shopping here?” What the retail clerk says is “if you find something you like and it is not to the quality you are accustomed then bring it back we will at least exchange it.”

1. “My child couldn’t possibly have shoplifted that toy, clothing item, electronic item, DVD, CD etc. You are just picking on my child.” What the retail clerk thinks is “I was watching the little thief do just that. What the retail clerk says “Ma’am/sir security is going to have to handle this now but I am sure arrangements can be made (most of the time).”

The week after Christmas:

1. “My friend said he bought this item here she said it so that it must be so.”  What retail clerk thinks is, “Your friend’s an idiot and so are you.” What the retail clerk says, “Another store’s label is on the inside. You and your friend are mistaken.”
2. “How much are you giving me for this exchange? My sister spends way more than that on Christmas gifts. You are trying to steal from me.” What the retail clerk thinks is, “Your sister is a whole lot cheaper than you thought. Yeah I spent all of Christmas thinking on how I was going to steal money from your sister and you.” What the retail clerk says is, “There are so many reasons why this item has an exchange value that it does. Maybe she bought it before October when the price went down but without a receipt this is the best we can do.”
3. What do you mean I have to have a receipt? This is a Christmas gift. People don’t usually give receipts with Christmas gifts you idiot.” What the retail clerk thinks is, “They would if they knew you were the kind of person you are, the kind that would take back a nice gift just for cash.” What the retail clerk says is, “I am sorry ma’am/sir store policy is that if you want cash you have to have a receipt.”
4. “I have waited for over two hours just so you can say that this item was bought on clearance and you can’t exchange it? Now what am I going to do with it?” What the retail clerk thinks is, “I can tell you exactly what you can do with it but it might hurt.” What the retail clerk says is, I am very sorry but that is store policy.”
5. “I am never coming back to this store again!” What the retail clerk says is, YES, that’s the best news I have heard all day.” What the retail clerk says is, I am sorry that you feel that way.
6. “My child couldn’t possibly have shoplifted that toy, clothing item, electronic item, DVD, CD etc. You are just picking on my child.” What the retail clerk thinks is “I was watching the little thief do just that. What the retail clerk says “Ma’am/sir security is going to have to handle this now but I am sure arrangements can be made (most of the time).”
7. “Merry Christmas.” What the retail clerk thinks is, “I’ll keep it in mind.” What the retail clerk says is, “ Thank you and Merry Christmas and Merry Christmas to you.”